It's All About Me

Good morning Earth!
I am LOVING my unravelling class... just love it! Love the people, the projects and the writing though I'm terribly behind in my writing. What I am finding already by week three is that I am looking at things with a different perspective, look I even posted a picture of just me. I always saw myself as a free-spirited person but I wasn't really allowing myself to live that way all the time. Maybe to others I am a free spirit, loving life and having fun but to me it is not enough, I want more. I need to be that way all of the time not just when I'm with friends I've known forever or goofing around with my children and husband. I am finding that I have too much guilt and worry for other people, things or situations that I shouldn't have. No one is putting that on me, I am putting that on me. I need to stop it and think about me, releasing all that nonsense to enjoy every moment as it comes. Appreciating the art, the beauty and gifts I have all around me everyday. This doesn't mean I stop caring for people in my life and even those that aren't present in my world today, it just means that I don't worry about everything they may be thinking, do or say. They are my tribe and if I do something that isn't "perfect" or don't agree with they should love me anyway right? That's what true friendship and family is about, loving unconditionally. Why in the world do I worry about everyone else, making sure they are happy, having fun, think I'm worth something? Shouldn't my tribe love me for who I am? I know I'm rambling a bit, but this is what is on my mind this morning. I always have this desire to make sure EVERYONE is happy. Even Zack has warned me about this, my wise, to the point child... "Mom, you don't have to fix everything" he has told me, "I'm okay." I don't like it when something upsets my children or anyone in my tribe so I "worry" and ponder how to make everything right.

Here is my promise to me:
- I am going to try really really hard to let the world, the events in my life unfold as they happen and be content with them however they happen. I must note an exception, if anything just happens that is harmful to those I love, all bets are off.

- I am going to immerse myself into the things I love, my art, my music, my tribe and live my life surrounded by their beauty.

- I am going to take care of my soul and continue to nourish it with art, readings, wonderful people, music and love.

- I will always take care of others and I do want people to be happy, that is who I am. But what I will stop doing is sacrificing my own happiness when I am around people that I feel the need to "shift" who I am whether it is because of my own insecurities or what I perceive them to believe about me. (This is going to be a hard one) People that I have known forever and I find myself worrying about the way I look, what I say and all sorts of things when I'm around them.. to the point I don't even want to be there and this is part of my tribe. I am going to be me... just me in my work, when I play, when I love, just me.

- I am going to stop worrying about what other people think. Ooh, tough one.

The coolest thing about the unravelling experience is that my husband who is my best friend and my children have a clear vision of who I am, I love their vision, I just didn't see it in myself... I'm starting to.

Peace & Love