Coming off a wonderful weekend of adventure, I have to admit I'm having an off week. (So far, isn't over... and I hope by writing this down, I will have the energy to re-direct it)
I'm struggling this week to actually get out of bed and being productive. My thoughts are stay in bed and sleep, all day would be fine. I have resisted that urge, I'm up.
Maybe it is all the stuff running through my head this week and the lack of sleep it is causing. I'm thinking about my sister diagnosed with Stage 2 liver cancer and not knowing any details. Thinking about what she must be going through right now. I like to take control of things and the waiting and not seeing her is very difficult. What is the diagnoses long term? Is there a "long term?" What is going to happen to her children? Will she need me to become a guardian of her daughter? Can she beat this? What does that mean for us, for Rich, for Bekah? Thinking about my mom. Thinking about my niece and nephew. So much to think about.
Then there are thoughts about my children, my job as a parent. Protecting our children, that is our number one goal as a parent. We want to protect them not only from the harmful people in our world, but also from making those bad choices, from seeing them get hurt. We are their advocate. But I know making bad choices, learning from them is all part of growing up, life. Sometimes life sucks. There, I said it. It just sucks. We make a bad decision and can't take it back. Treated unfairly and as much protesting and noise we make, it happens anyway. Sometimes I just want to wrap my arms around my children and not let anything get inside. When they are hurt, I hurt.
...and personal goals, I seem to be neglecting. I have fallen behind in my unravelling class, I need to catch up this week. I want to start my site, I need to figure out what I am going to put on it and how I will drive revenue there. Need to plan. How can I keep that creative side of me fed? I need to stay awake here. These are all things going through my head causing sleep deprivation.
So, this morning, I opened my new book "Where will you be in five years from today?" -Compendium- I just started flipping through it. I wasn't sure if this was the inspiration I needed right now, but I would give it a try. It is very hard to know or plan when there are so many unknowns, like with my sister. But after perusing it, I need to start using it, writing down my goals, my values, my mission. Even with the unknown, whatever God has planned for me, for us... knowing my personal direction a little bit more clearly is a good thing and it will all come together in the end.
I stopped on one page that said "When was the last time you did something for the first time?" I love love love this question. What a great question to help unlock that creative being inside. I don't even know if this question even goes along with what I have been writing about, I don't even care.
It made me stop and think. It made me want to be awake today.
"When was the LAST time you did something for the FIRST time?"
Peace & Love
P.S. The pumpkin carving was not last night as I previously posted. It will take place sometime over the next couple of days. I know you are on the edge of your seat for this one!
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