You Lead Life; It doesn't Lead You

We can all blame others for something, all of us have had someone in our lives that we felt betrayed by, whether we had something to do with it or an innocent bystander. It happens, life can be disappointing. But the good part is that we are all in control, we can continue to have pain and blame others or we can choose to move on and create our own happiness. Maybe blocking out those you once cared about and who cared about you is an attempt to find happiness, but I have to believe that is only a band aid. "Happiness is never something you get from other people. The happiness you feel is in direct proportion to the love you give." I believe this to be true. I would like to share something I read today on the plane. It is from "What I know for sure" by Oprah, a book that I carry with me for a bolt of energy.

In the 3rd grade, I learned the Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do to you." I loved those words. I wrote them on everything and carried them around in my book satchel. I was a good-deed doer. At one point, I even thought I was going to be a missionary. Every Sunday I would go to church, site second pew to the right,take out a notepad and write down everything the minister said. At school the next day, I would recite the sermon on the playground. I called it Monday morning devotion. My classmates would see me coming and say, "Here comes that preacher." I was 8 years old.

When the Progressive Missionary Baptist Church was trying to raise money for the poor children of Costa Rica, I started a campaign. I was going to collect more than anyone else. I gave up my lunch money and convinced the other kids on the playground to do the same. It was all part of the principle of "Do unto others" that I lived by. In the fifth grade, I ran into some problems. There was a girl in my class who didn't like me, so I went around school talking about her. One of my friends pointed out that if I believed in doing unto others and was talking about this girl, chances are she was talking about me, too. "I don't care," I replied, "because I don't like her, anyway."

For a long time, whenever I would say or do something that went against my better self, I would try to justify it that way. What I didn't understand is that all of your actions, both good and bad, come back to you and most often not from the people you are acting toward. Now I know that you receive from the world what you give to the world. I understand it from physics as the third law of motion: For every action, there's an equal and opposite reaction. It is the essence of what Eastern philosophers call karma. Your actions revolve around you as surely as the earth revolves around the sun. The more conscious I became of this, the more quickly my actions came back.

Today I try to do well and be well with everyone I reach or encounter. I make sure I use my life for that which can be of goodwill. Yes, this has brought me great wealth. More important, it has fortified me spiritually and emotionally. When people say they are looking for happiness, I ask, "What are you giving to the world?" I'll never forget this couple who appeared on my show. The wife couldn't understand why their relationship had broken down. She kept saying,"He used to make me so happy. He doesn't make me happy anymore." What she couldn't see was that she was the cause of her own effect. Happiness is never something you get from other people. The happiness you feel is in direct proportion to the love you are able to give. If you think something is missing in your life or you're not getting what you deserve, remember that there is no Yellow Brick Road. You lead life; it doesn't lead you.

See what comes into your life when you spend extra time with your children. Let go of your anger with your boss or coworker and see what gets returned. Be loving to yourself and others and see that love reciprocated. This rule works every time, whether or not you are aware of it. It occurs in little things, big things, and the biggest things. I have an advantage because I work in a profession in which everything I do generates an immediate response in overnight ratings, e-mails, and phone calls. Every day of your life, you are performing your own show, and the returns may come in more slowly or be less obvious. But everything is being returned. What you're thinking what you're saying, what you're doing, is having an impact on you and the people around you right now. I know it for sure. Oprah

I truly believe what Oprah is saying in this article. I believe that we choose to be happy or in pain. I choose to be happy, I choose to let go of pain and be in control of my own life. I choose to own what I need to own and will not own what isn't mine. My heart is full of love and will not feel guilt for someone else's pain that they choose to blame others for and hold on to. You lead life; it doesn't lead you.

Celebrating 21 years!

Rich and I celebrated our 21st wedding anniversary last night. Often times we go out of town for our anniversary but this year we decided to stay home and go out for a nice dinner. It was a perfect evening. We went to Artist Point at the Wilderness Lodge Resort. We arrived early for our reservation so we could try to get a window seat overlooking the waterfall, although we did not get one of those seats, we did get by a window. Our menus were printed with "Artist Point Wishes The Mills Party A Magical Anniversary" it was a nice touch. The restaurant was very nice and the food was amazing! As I was enjoying my Cedar Plank Roasted Pacific Wild King Salmon with Pear and Chipeta Potato Truffle, accompanied by a glass of Kiona Reserve Cabernet Sauvignon, Red Mountain '06 and Rich taking in the flavors of his Seared Jumbo Day Boat Scallops with Hazelnut Butter Potatoes, Brentwood Corn, Cherry Tomatoes, and Preserved Lemons with his glass of Columbia Gewurztraminer, Columbia '06,
I commented... we have come a long way from those "Fry Daddy" days! Rich then looked at his scallops and said.. Oh! I bet this would be good in a Fry Daddy! He's always thinking.
It doesn't seem like twenty one years, it really doesn't. When I sat across the table from Rich last night I thought, "Wow, how lucky and I to be married to my best friend." I love being with him. After twenty one years, last night I still hoped I looked okay for him, wanted to plan a perfect evening and wanted to make sure that Rich was happy, as that makes me happy. There are some differences now that we are in our 40s, we have worked hard for what we have and appreciate what life has to offer, treating ourselves to new experiences, trying new things. What I appreciate most about my marriage is that Rich and I have grown together. We grew up together, learning, understanding, supporting each other and challenging our own thoughts and beliefs that we were raised with to really figure our who we are. We don't agree on everything, but we respect each other's opinions and learn from each other. What a wonderful journey...
Oh and after 21 years, I learned that Rich doesn't really like Peach desserts, who knew, something new all the time.
After dinner we took a walk around the resort grounds and headed back to the car.
A simple, relaxing, enjoyable evening.
Perfect.