"Living in the Here and Now"

One of my favorite books and websites is from NPR - "This I believe" series. This I Believe, Inc., was founded in 2004 as a not-for-profit organization. It's mission is “to contribute to the improvement of society by enabling people to think about, express, and share their deepest beliefs.” The main way the organization realizes this mission is via an international multi-media project that engages youth and adults from all walks of life in writing, sharing, and discussing brief essays about the core values that guide their daily lives. It is not meant to persuade anyone to change their beliefs, rather the hope is to encourage people to develop a respect for beliefs different from their own.

This morning I read an essay called "Living in the Here and Now." Many of the essays speak to me, however, this short essay caused me to stop and think about how I am living. Am I living consciously? Are there triggers that cause me to go from living conscioulsy to reacting?

I have always believed in living in the here and now, but there are times when it is more difficult to live in the now. When there is conflict to which I will not give my energy to, I quickly move on, live my life and take care of those most important to me, my children and my husband. I believe because I am a good person who genuinely loves people and does not hang on to negatively, I have had very few conflicts in my life, very very few. My good friend once told me "You only remember the good stuff" and it is true, I don't hold on to the negative, so much so that I forget it ever happened. The bad thing about forgetting is that I have opened myself up to be hurt the same way on more than one occasion, when it stings, I remember. I realize now that I go in-and-out of living consciously when I get stung and go into reaction mode. I think because of the way I live my life and how I treat others, this is a rare occasion however, I recognize it.

Another area in which I find myself reacting instead of living consciously has been with my work. The best thing that has happened to me in recent years is being laid off from my job. It had gotten to the point that I was just reacting to stay alive and no longer wanting to contribute with purpose. I admit, I am still searching in this area, for now I am in a good place with starting a new company and working with others that I admire and respect.

What I like most about the "Living in the Hear and Now" essay is that the author is very open about the difficulty of living in a conscious way verses reacting to life.

I am going to include this essay in my blog, I think it is worth sharing.

"Living in the Here and Now - by Jeffrey Hollender

Six years ago, my younger brother Peter, who was my closest friend and the only remaining member of my immediate family, ended his life. Nothing I have ever experienced, or have experienced since, has had such a powerful impact on what I believe.

Until then, life often slid by me, my mind lost in reviewing what had just happened or anticipating what was to come. The present seemed to disappear between the past and the future. The life most of us lead is short to begin with; the more we miss, the shorter it gets.

I vowed to myself that I would honor my brother's death by being present in my own life. I found a new world opened up before me — a life of richer detail, both wider and wilder. The autopilot I'd been running on for God knows how long finally shut off. I began to see new possibilities for thought, vision, caring and action: to say what too often remains unsaid, to admit that often I have no idea what to do.

Being present isn't easy. On a good day, I'd say I'm conscious 1 to 2 percent of the time. The rest of the time I'm reacting. Usually those reactions are not particularly thoughtful. They're just responses, old patterns or the repetition of what I did yesterday.

Now I try to ask questions, not give answers. This isn't easy for me to do. I'm someone with a lot of answers. I have to restrain myself. Not reacting takes a lot of work, but the more I'm able to do it, the more I feel like I'm being the person I aspire to be.

I see that my own mind can be my greatest limitation (and on bad days, it always is), or the gateway to what matters most to me — the big stuff — environmental sustainability, world peace, the end to hunger, the beginning of true social justice for all. I used to think that these possibilities were beyond our reach; impossible to hope for, silly to believe in. But if we don't believe in our own ability to make them happen, they never will.

I've found that my decision to be present — that is, filled with attention to what is — is foundational.

I often cry when I think about my brother. It's one of the few things I let myself cry about. I missed opportunities with him because I wasn't present — missed opportunities I will never have again. In some ways, he was almost always fully present. He didn't know any other way to be. I don't want to miss anymore of my life than I already have. By being present and conscious, aware and awake, I believe that I can honor my brother, just a little bit, every day.

Jeffrey Hollender is the president and CEO of Seventh Generation, a producer of environmentally safe household products. His previous ventures included adult education and audio publishing businesses. Hollender and his family live in Charlotte, Vt.

Independently produced for NPR Digital Media by Jay Allison and Dan Gediman with Emily Botein, John Gregory and Viki Merrick.