"Goals" vs. "I Wants"

Good morning. It is Sunday morning in Orlando. I woke up and began playing with Blue and Bebe, our dogs, which is often my morning routine when I am at home. It is a great way to start the day. All they want is to play, be fed and take an occasional nap. Those things seemingly are the main desires of our dogs. Let me play... and feed me, I will rest when I need to. Wow.... you gotta love a dog's life? As least our dog's life, right? As far as we know, they do what they want and their tail's wag indicating happiness.
I posted an "I Want" List in yesterday's blog. It was a strange feeling. When I was writing it, I thought, well maybe I should change the verbiage to "Goals." That just seems more "acceptable" than just wanting something. Then I decided, nope... I am going to leave it as "I Wants"- it has not been easy. It might sound silly, but I kept second guessing my title and oddly enough, what I put in the list. Do I really want these things? I don't really "need" them... (except for good health) is it going to look like I am selfish for writing down things I want? If I change it to my personal goals, that just sounds better.... all of these thoughts were going through my head. I resisted the urge to change anything. I wanted to see where this would lead me. I wasn't even sure why I wrote the list in the first place. It just kind of happened. These are things that "I want" to do and I shouldn't feel bad about them. But there isn't anything on the list about my children, about my husband or even my friends, how can that be? How can I not want to do something for them? (More questions I asked myself!) In my soul searching... I realized, I am making myself feel bad for wanting to do something just for me. I already spend most of my time doing for others and I love it. My brain is telling me that logically it is okay to want to do something for myself, I even know it is healthy, my emotions are questioning my motive. Not sure if it is the way we (women) are raised, is it a society acceptance issue, is it genetics, I don't know... but most women I know are last on their list. Their wants are at the end of a long list of "what I need to do for others" if they are there at all. I need to do what I can to make myself as happy as I can, if these things on my list support that, what is wrong with it? I will always take care of my friends and family, that is what I love to do, that makes me happy. I want to achieve some personal "I wants" too! Just to clarify, it isn't that I don't get what I want, I certaintly do. This for me is about SAYING IT OUT LOUD!
Starting now, I am going to have "I wants" lists, just for me! Furthermore, I am also going to really try to achieve them and I am not going to have any self imposed guilt for wanting something.
At the end of the day, this feels pretty good. It's a start.